So I walked out of my day job near the end of the summer in 2020. No I didn’t have a plan or money in the bank to tide me over, or even an open opportunity to transition in to.
At 39 yrs old I felt like I was being pushed out. Like everything that was going on in the structure of this so called “Team” was a facade.
I spent 8 yrs working my ass off, adjusting my personality to better suit those around me… At the request of my superiors… because apparently peoples perception of me was more important than the job we were being paid to do.
My experience, drive, loyalty, determination to learn, grow and build a career ultimately meant nothing.
For the last couple years, it was tamultuous. Constantly fighting and butting heads with my supervisor. Who to my face would tell me I was doing great things. However, his actions didn’t back up his statements. It got to the point where I felt like the only option I had, was to leave.
I’m not a complaint riddled individual. Infact, even if things are hard, uncomfortable or tough, I still try my best to stick it out. In this case, after having to fight for everything I did, even in the paramaters of the job, It was too much.
All though the money was good, I had the revelation that it didn’t matter. The messed up part was that their own directive was supposed to be team work, accountability and job task equality.
A concept laid out by my superiors, who unfortunately, selectively and inconsistantly followed through on maintaining a simple standard of this. Meaning some people (very few) were actually being held accountable and expected to operate under these guidelines.
I was constantly told changes were being made and to be patient. Really though, how long does it take to rein in accountability and team work?
Despite the lip service. The division of job duties, the influence of others and their actions didn’t match up.
I finally had enough and in a moment of clarity, realized that sometimes the money isn’t worth it. Especially when you feel like your being held back.
It wasn’t like I pitched a fit, made a scene and stormed out, no. It was simpley a conversation. One where the expectation seemed to be, that again, I accept these inconsistancies, put my head down and settle. I’m not that guy and during that conversation a quiet calm took hold. An epiphany washed over me like a comfort blanket and I realized that all the turmoil wasn’t worth it.
The sad part is, I realy liked that job. I worked hard, gave it my loyalty, all the effort I could and still found myself in the same position as day 1, even after being told repeatedly they had plans to move me up. That never played out and being a year away from 40, I just couldn’t stand to put up with the hypocracy I found myself working under any more.
I’m not saying I’m perfect or handled every situation correctly, but I can say, I did my best to give those who asked, what they wanted of me. While maintaining the best interest of the company, coworkers, efficiency and development of our product at the root of any imput I gave.
To have someone basically tell you “great job” one day then give you the metaphorical “finger” the next, on a repetative basis was just to much. I don’t know anyone that would put up with it half as long as I did.
So now I’m happy I left. Of course the fear of not knowing what’s next or how I’m going to put food on the table is unnerving, but it’s also motivating. I’m not scared, I recognize the down sides to all of this. I made my choices and all I can do now is put the same level of effort that I did at work, into moving forward and turning this into the best decisoon I’ve ever made.
But for right now it’s time to formulate a plan, start pushing forward and shed myself of excuses. It’s time to start hustling.
Pappa Chino Says 