WHAT does it TAKE to be a MAN?

Is a man defined by his low hanging fruit… if you know what I mean?

‘Cause if that’s the case.  I’m out!  I can’t be pigeon holed and held accountable for a misguided few who skew the curve on what a real man is.

In my opinion a real man lives his principals, understands value and stands for something.  He’s not afraid to get his hands dirty, question authority, admit when hes wrong, show emotion and take responsibility for his actions.  He is the rock, the foundation that carries the weight of the world on his back.  He wears a smile in the face of adversity, because no matter how many times life tried to put him down… It couldn’t.

As I get older I have started to notice a slow bleed of entitled softness in my gender.  When I was going through my separation, we spent countless visits with mediators and lawyers.  I noticed a sad misconception of me because of my gender.  Mediation was supposed to be unbiased.  It started that way, but eventually there was a point, a few meetings in, that I would get the “talk”.  My responsibilities outlined and highlighted in great detail.  Not a problem… if the same discussion was being had on the other end.  But nope it was just for me.  

I deduced, after changing mediators twice, that, they had seen so many so called “Men” come in to these meetings with total disregard, that they automatically defined me as a dead beat.

Not going to lie, that got under my skin.  I’m not a dead beat.  Maybe I’m too sensitive about it some times, but that’s because the general pattern of behavior that I saw and heard, in these meetings, from so called “men”, was most often disgusting.  A total discarding of responsibility.  No sense of taking lumps and dealing with it or trying to figure out ways to make it work.  Just flat out tantrums and an over all maturity level that infants would laugh at.

We’ve gotten soft.  It’s that simple.  Somewhere along the way as men evolved we let our masculinity fall off.  I’m not saying that we should be knuckle dragging morons clubbing and pillaging at will.  But I am saying that this “Self entitled, I don’t need to prove my self, give me things now because I want them” attitude is bull shit.  

You want that something?

Or

Have things a certain way?  

Then you go get it!

You make it that way!  

If life is getting stress full and frustrating, don’t start whining, stomping your feet and trying to take toys out of other kids hands, like a baby.  Man up!  Take the lead, pack that responsibility into a bag hoist it onto your shoulders and carry it like a man.  ‘Cause that’s what we do.  We are the protectors, the final line of defense and the first brick of support.

We may not always be right in what we say, we make mistakes and do dumb shit.  The thing that separates a man from a boy, is the ability to realize when you’ve done dumb shit, no matter how righteous the intent.  A real man lives in his responsibility to support his family.  No matter if your all under one roof or not.  A real man takes care of his kids, mentors, teaches and inspires them to be better than himself.  He supports the mother of his kids.  No matter how he feels, he should be there to help if the bottom goes out.

A real man, doesn’t let the bottom go out though.  He does what it takes to plug the holes, fill the gaps and stay on course.  A real man does the things he doesn’t like because he knows he has too.  A real man is diverse, understanding, caring and firm.  A real man holds himself accountable for his actions and influence on his environment, relationships, and interactions.  Most of all a real man doesn’t let a biased opinion hold him back, he proves that opinion wrong, forcing the possibility of progress, depth, growth and understanding.

There are plenty of real men out there that give back to their community, fulfill their responsibility and pride them selves on following through on their obligations.  The inept few have put us in a position to have to prove ourselves and turn the tide of intent.  I think it’s time for the real men to get the recognition they deserve, the dad’s who are fathers, fathers who are heroes and the men out there that are unapologetic in their understanding that masculinity is not one dimensional or ignorant.  

It’s influence is not to devalue, discriminate or oppress, rather guide, build and protect.

A real man is a principled man, full of conviction, passion and empathy.  Operating on a strict dedication to his sense of discipline, value and core beliefs.  His example is an inspiration, a bench mark for self improvement, confidence, maturity and stability.  He gives more than he takes and expects nothing but respect in the end.  But don’t mistake his kindness for weakness, because he’s not afraid to throw down with the devil to defend his house.

Talk is cheap, trophies are for winners and you can be sure the work you put in dictates the results you get.  It doesn’t matter what type of man you were in the past.  It matters what you do next.  Take the time to evolve, strengthen your weakness’s, because real men hold themselves accountable for making tomorrow better than today.

It’s time to Man Up!

This post is dedicated to my father.  The man who taught me how to be a man.  How to stand up for myself, express myself, carry myself and most importantly, how to hold myself accountable.